Response to Brian's Remarks dated 4/13/20

 

Brian

I wanted to respond to a few of your comments and be a little more defined on my reasons why I would never return to the ABC. I also wanted to shed light on why I went public with my research on the ABC beginnings. I put this up as a post, instead of a comment, because, to be thorough, this response must be lengthy.

The primary reason I researched the ABC beginnings is that, having been a child when this all started, and being the son of the founder, I needed to delve into my dad’s earliest motivations for starting his own church or denomination.  The difference being a church is usually affiliated with a larger organization while a denomination is an entity that breaks off from the pack, so to speak, and becomes fully independent. The ABC is, by definition,  a denomination since it broke off entirely from Broadway Tabernacle and became a new entity.

I needed to trace the source of the Broadway Tabernacle doctrines my dad carried forward into the ABC. There is nothing new under the sun. Nothing ever just starts from a vacuum. The ABC doctrines came from influences in my dad’s life so it was important to understand those influences. I found the need to dig down, find the roots so I could better understand what fed them. I needed to understand what caused this new denomination to come into existence.

I tried hard to become close to my dad when he was alive, but he did not reciprocate. As a result, I never had the opportunity to explore this with him one on one. As an adult, whenever he came to town, I would invite him to stay in my home but, each time, he would decline and stay with others. I repeatedly invited him to dinner but again he was always “too busy to come”. That was painful. The only time I recall we had a good talk, one on one, was shortly after his open-heart surgery.  He had slowed down considerably and, for a short period anyhow, it felt like we had connected. On one occasion, we had driven up into the mountains east of San Diego to check on his trailer which sat vacant. For a few hours we sat in a little café in Alpine CA and just talked.  It was a warm conversation and one I still cherish. That all changed once he regained his strength again and, once again, out of the blue, I was marginalized. Not much later I was completely disowned.  

I needed to understand why building a new denomination was more important to him than his first family; or even his second for that matter. Mostly I wanted to understand why I put up with his multiple rejections and abuses for so long. That was a flaw in me, not him, and I needed to understand that part of me and become stronger. I wanted to understand why, when I was young, he was willing to abandon us to the street with no money or food in order to pursue his dream of starting a new church. That seems so counter to truth and morality.  I wanted to understand what would motivate him, out of the blue, to disown me in my thirties. I wanted to understand why he would instruct David North to forbid me to attend his funeral after he died. That was an ultimate cruelty and slap in the face I do not feel I deserved. I was the only child from his first family that remained true to him, even though perhaps I should not have.  I needed to understand why what he built would carry on the terrible tradition of abandonment and “putting away” he manifested. Even long after his death. I needed to understand how he could be so adamant with others that divorce was not scriptural, yet deliberately keep secret he himself had divorced and had remarried during the early days of "the group" that later became the ABC. I wanted to understand why a man proclaiming himself to be a seeker of truth could, at the same time, hold so many secrets and deceive others.

My dad was a driven man, prone at times to extreme angry outbursts in our house. I wanted to understand the source of that anger.  It was clear he was unhappy with his current situation. Our house became a war zone starting when I was about age nine. It was at this age we were no longer just trying to survive extreme poverty. That war lasted until the day he abandoned us abruptly on San Juan Island. That singular day would be equal to a nuclear bomb destroying our family completely.  I do not blame my dad entirely for that.  It takes two to create a war and the volleys were equal from both sides of the marriage. There were many horrendous arguments that lasted until very late into the night and divorce was probably the right action; just not in the way he dumped us to the street and left us homeless with no money or food. My mom and I had to walk away from everything we owned except a few of our clothes. Ordered to pay for my support my dad never offered any support or assisted in getting us out of homelessness. My grandmother and great uncle can be credited for that.  I guess, from my perspective, his personal actions seemed very much at odds with the message of "love" he preached to others. There was a great deal of hypocrisy and I wanted to understand why. 

I will grant my “eternal judgment”, at Bruce Leonard’s house, was the  catalyst it took to start this research project but I had contemplated doing this research for many years but just never took the time. The research took me places I did not imagine it would ever take me. My dad spoke often of the “latter rain” movement, Brother Branham, Kathryn Kuhlman, A.A. Allen, Smith Wigglesworth and many other famous Pentecostal preachers and evangelists he either knew or studied under but I did not realize  how tightly the ABC doctrine was connected to these people, the Sharon Orphanage and other movements. Roots. There were many surprises.

This is why I completed my research, for my own curiosity, but it was not the reason I went public with the information. I will discuss that motivation a little later in these comments. I know some  expressed I am putting out sour grapes, or feel I need to lash out at my long-deceased father for being "strict" but that is simply not true. My analysis focuses on what he built, and why, rather than a survey of my emotions and difficulties with him personally. Of course I have emotions built in to this. Anyone would. Aside from the abandonment, more than once, I had a good childhood, with few actual troubles other than the incessant war between my parents. I was mostly successful in life, never becoming alcoholic, drug addicted and the like.  Of course, one cannot fully divorce their emotion from such a project so I would be lying to say that what my dad did to our family, and to me personally through his abandonment, does not involve pain. However, my research was born of wanting to understand why, rather than being an indictment or expose’ of any wrongdoing. If any wrong is presented it is just because this is how life played out. I present the facts as they related to the forming of the ABC, and my interaction with him during this period. If others want to project on me other assumptions of my motives they are free to assume whatever they will. If they really survey my message it is more focused on a warning against trusting man, and avoiding the potential for emotional and spiritual harm, that can occur in the ABC. My dad started the ABC and so he is a key player in the narrative. Trust God because mankind can fail you. 

As stated previously all people do what they think is right for the moment, not always fully realizing what the future effect will be. My dad was the same. He had a dream, a vision of starting a church. Unfortunately that narrowed his focus to the exclusion of family. I have read about driven men who came back from WWII and my dad fits the profile exactly. Others built companies and factories. My dad built a church, a denomination and there was nothing that would stand in his way; not even family or his own health. Unknown to most, he suffered periods of deep depression and sleeplessness. It affected his health greatly and, as a result, he died young. There is a great deal I have left out of the public record. There are parts that have no reason to be told.

Starting a church of his own, or becoming a minister, was something my dad talked about since I was able to first comprehend the world. Age four, five? Not sure exactly what age. It is why he attended two seminaries and was active in so many ministries, crusades and campaigns while I was growing up. At about age twelve, he talked to me about buying an old ferry which he planned to use as a floating church plying the Puget Sound. I went with him to look at the ferry but he discovered it was in quite bad shape. It was currently sitting on dry ground, listing sideways on a secluded beach on San Juan Island and had no engines. To patch it up and relaunch it would have been enormously expensive. It was small, would likely hold about thirty or forty cars maximum and had a small passenger deck above. The paint was peeling, and it had enormous amounts of rust. The dream he related to me in the car, on the way to go see it, was to put a mobile home on the car deck where we would live full time and the passenger deck would be constructed as a floating church. We would dock at small towns in the islands several days per week for church. That dream evaporated as soon as he saw it in person. This was post Broadway Tabernacle and prior to the forming of the ABC.

The denomination he started; the ABC; began with an abandonment of family. This doctrine of abandonment has carried through to others in the current day. Family is always secondary; even now. When he started “the group” at the Wilcrest Apartments, with college age kids mostly, it seemed alive and joyful but, over the span of a few years, that rapidly faded. It then drifted into the abusive false love state that exists today.  The ABC bombs a person with love at the beginning but that focus gradually shifts to one of domination, control and lack of compassion.  

I put out the information I found as accurately as possible. It is up to the reader to verify the facts and judge. I have provided some links and much of the information can be verified on the web. I  freely admit the perspective is my own. Others may have different experiences, or perspectives, on the events stated but differing perspectives are the norm. Not everyone in the ABC becomes subject to harsh treatment. Only those who are perceived as a “problem”, justified or not.  I was in the unusual position of being  Raisin (Ray’s son) so I was privy to many things which happened in the forming but I was also held to a high level of scrutiny. If I was perceived as less than perfect it was assumed this would reflect back on my dad negatively. I was "disciplined" quite harshly and frequently. There are basic facts that are irrefutable, and, with the internet, it is quite simple to check my facts. While it may sound, at times, like I am “dumping on my dad” he is simply the primary focus because he was the founder of the denomination. By default, he then becomes the main subject. My dad founded “the group” which  became the ABC. It is necessary to identify the man and his motivations to fully understand that which he left behind. The only way to accomplish this is to find and examine those distant historical roots.

My dad taught John 3:16 sinner’s prayer salvation until near the end of our time at Broadway Tabernacle. When he adjusted his focus to the “Foundation Truths” there was no intervening baptism by Watt, Prince or anyone else associated with the foundation studies. Life just went on the same but the teachings changed. At Broadway Tabernacle there were still altar calls until the last days we were there. My dad assisted with many crusades during this period that included mass altar calls at the end of a stirring sermon. Despite what people believe he was not baptized based on Hebrews 6 “Foundation Truths”. The ABC would consider his baptism to have been a “baptism of repentance” or “John’s baptism” not a baptism to receive the Holy Spirit and would not today be accepted. The “lineage of the baptizer” doctrine, currently espoused by the ABC, has this major flaw in its construct. Based on current thinking, everyone in the ABC would have a questionable baptism. My dad is the one who initially baptized everyone, including Gilbert Larson. On down the line since the inception of “the group” in the 70’s everyone was baptized by my dad or baptized by someone tracing their baptismal lineage to my dad. There is no “perfect lineage” in the ABC because my dad’s baptism would be quite suspect by current ABC standards. If my dad walked into what he started today there would be a demand for him to be baptized anew with an ABC style baptism to assure it was done correctly, witnesses and all. Truth is, no one knows who baptized my dad. Not even me. I can tell you for absolute certain it was not anyone that taught the foundation principles. It was an outward sign of an inward cleansing baptism performed back in the late 40’s or early 50’s by a Pentecostal or Assembly of God preacher. The name of that person changed over the years. This is taken from my dad’s direct answer to the question I posed to him when I was a teen. Note: I do address on my site that my dad also told me that, at one point, he baptized Yvonne who then baptized him according to Acts 2:38. This was at the Wilcrest Apartments but only AFTER “the group” had begun. But this still does not pass muster with Andy Atwell’s teaching of baptism rules which stipulate it must be a male completing the baptizing, and there must be sufficient witnesses present to assure a nose tip, a pinky or a barrel chest is not left above the surface of the water preventing a complete water “burial”. Faith gets thrown out the window as non-important with these rules. With  so many rules attached, conundrums like this are created. Despite these discrepancies, everyone is still relying on my dad having had a pure lineage of baptism to “pass along the Holy Spirit” properly to all that followed...but it just was not so.  Hmm.

When we look at the Noah scenario, we find he was not actually saved by the water but by the faith he put in that water.  The water was important, but it was a much lesser part of the recipe than faith and grace. So, if faith is intact, God gives enough grace that if perhaps a nose tip doesn’t quite make it under accidentally, and no one notices, God does not reject this person for all eternity.  If one views it is necessary to assure a nose tip, or a pinky or a barrel chest is completely under with "zero tolerance", and perhaps the witness blinked at the wrong moment, and missed it, is the baptism then deficient and of no value? That is confusion! When those three thousand were baptized in the same day on Pentecost how much checking by witnesses do you think occurred? Even if one person spent the entire twenty-four hours of the day baptizing that is a baptism every thirty seconds when you do the math. It has been theorized the baptized then became the baptizers. But then who were the witnesses if they were all busy doing the baptizing?   The last person I baptized, in the Shierman’s small soaking tub, had to go under the water multiple times because Andy, the witness, thought his nose tip or barrel chest did not enter the water completely. God is not that small in my view. That is ultra-legalism, is not of faith and destroys grace. Never saw that man come back again. 

The primary reason I built this website, rather than just keep all these findings to myself, was because of a dirty trick pulled on me by someone in the ABC. A malicious act occurred which found it necessary for me to validate the history and existence of the ABC in a very public manner to prove the ABC actually existed. This malicious act caused me literal decades of trouble which I will explain later in partial detail. I have identified two people who had the motive, the knowledge and opportunity to pull this off but I have no exact proof of which one of these two actually completed the malicious act. I can definitively narrow it down to two individuals because they were the only two with access to the information necessary to wreak this havoc. I have given these assumed names to Gilbert Larson, along with sufficient evidence proving this occurred, since it was technically an illegal act.  I also provided Gilbert Larson with substantial proof leaving zero doubt it was someone in the ABC attempting to maliciously damage my life. They did accomplish what they set out to do.

To perpetrate this malicious action, the individual would have needed my Kaiser number. There were only two individuals with access to my Kaiser number as both greatly assisted me after my temporary disablement from my nineteen-ninety-five head on collision. I appreciated the help at the time, and trusted these people then, but did not know it would later be used to make me look like I had mental issues. This was perpetrated as a cover up for the PR issues arising from my “eternal judgment” at the hands of Bruce Leonard. The evidence is circumstantial but when reason is applied it is fairly evident who committed this deed. 

One of these individuals had my Kaiser number and direct computer access to my entire medical record at the hospital. This person had, at my request, changed data in my record to indicate an allergy when I was in the hospital. I know this person could easily access my record.  The other individual had a copy of my Kaiser card or access to the number.  One of these two individuals called the Kaiser advice nurse, impersonated my wife, and told them a batch of lies about my mental state. This then led Kaiser to believe I was having psychotic delusions about “the Kingdom of God being after me”. Each of their lies has been cataloged and fully disproved using conclusive secondary evidence. This evidence has been given to Kaiser and several governmental agencies in my attempt to have this bogus call purged from my record. I spent decades having this call purged.  

It can be solidly demonstrated this caller knew nothing about my current life and circumstance at the time of the call. This person stated I was at home when I was actually at work that day. They had no knowledge we had just sold our home, had already moved out, my phone was disconnected and all my belongings were in storage. I was living in temporary housing at the Doubletree Motel while seeking new housing because my home had sold for cash in just a few days to an executive relocation company. I had to be out in two weeks. I had no choice but to move everything into storage while we hunted for a new place and stay at a hotel for about a week. This person calling had no knowledge of these facts. They told Kaiser I had longstanding untreated mental health issues and was having many problems at work. I have never had “mental health issues”, was working in a government job requiring a security clearance and, in fact, at nearly the same time as the call, had received a substantial promotion. I had also recently received several awards for excellent service and had nothing but positive employment reviews. There were many other things proving it was someone who had not seen me in a while that made that made the call. I have absolute documented proof of all these discrepancies and have sent this proof to Gilbert Larson. I felt he should know the games he and Bruce played with my life all those years ago still have far reaching effects decades later. Shame on them. 

 

So, do I think the leadership of the ABC is dedicated to Righteousness, Peace and Joy? No, I do not, and my history with the ABC has proven them to be quite abusive. Not just in this circumstance, and certainly not to everyone, but there have been many similar untoward events with those perceived to be a threat to the status quo or who question too much.

I discovered this call when I visited Kaiser for a physical illness but was not in any way physically examined.  Instead, out of the blue and without any sort of mental health examination, I was given a diagnosis of having “delusions” entered in my chart. This diagnosis was based strictly on a bogus phone call made by this person in the ABC.  I was unaware of this call when I entered the doctor’s office.  It was this Kaiser doctor’s opinion I was suffering from “psychotic delusions” and the ABC, Bruce, Gil, Andy et.al. were not real and were all just figments of my "delusional imagination". At this appointment I had not ever personally mentioned anything about my difficulties with the ABC to this doctor. I was surprised to find she seemed to already know there was trouble when I walked in the door. I could not understand how she would know because she never mentioned anything about a phone call at this appointment. When she asked about the ABC and I answered she would interrupt and kept repeating “they’re not real, they’re not real….you are delusional, these people are not real”.  This encounter still remains in my medical records.

The first question the doctor asked as she entered the exam room is if I had any stresses in my life.  I mentioned I had a stressful job with the government and had just left a church my dad started after they determined I had “blasphemed”. I told her some of the church people were regularly coming to my house to either indict me for alleged “spiritual crimes” or to woo me back in, not realizing I had been judged forever and ever as a “blasphemer”. I also mentioned some were calling my wife at work, or sending her letters at her mom’s house, telling her she needed to leave me since I was a “blasphemer”. I mentioned this was causing stress at home, but I was surviving fine, even though times were difficult. This doctor began to emphatically tell me these people, and the ABC, were all just delusions and tried to persuade me the ABC was not real. The more I tried to convince her the  ABC was real the more she kept repeating to me the ABC was just an invention in my mind stemming from my psychosis and “delusions”. She felt I needed immediate psychological help to make me realize the ABC was just a delusion, a fabrication of my imagination. The more I tried to persuade this doctor the ABC was real and not a delusion, the more she would not believe me and the worse it got. I was completely puzzled when she walked away, posted someone at the door, then left to call and set me up with a psychiatric appointment and write prescriptions for anti-psychotic medications. My only option was to shut up, just pretend to follow along with her mode of thinking then get out of that office and never go back to Kaiser again. I did not fill the prescriptions or go to the follow-up psych appointment she scheduled. I just chalked it up to a weird experience and went back to work that  day very puzzled as to what had just happened.

I later had occasion to apply for a position as an investigator with the State Department. The position would be investigating the backgrounds of those placed in foreign postings, so it required a very high security clearance.  When completing the application, it asked the question “Has any physician ever told you that you had a mental illness?” Well, the answer to that was “yes” based on this strange encounter so, before I applied, I went to Kaiser Medical Records and obtain a copy of my file. I needed to determine why this doctor had, out of the blue, labeled me as “delusional” without any evidence. I also needed to find out if there was any paper evidence of that strange encounter since it was quite a bizarre interaction. The position required a thorough background investigation including signing off for access to all of my medical records so this was important to discover. This is when I discovered this malicious phone call made by someone in the ABC to the advice nurse at Kaiser. I attempted to get this removed from my record but was completely unable. I was told if the doctor diagnosed you as delusional the diagnosis would always remain in the record even if evidence was submitted contrary to the diagnosis. On one occasion, since I was being fairly insistent Kaiser allow me to sit down with an administrator and submit proof the ABC was real and not a “delusion” I was told by the person at Kaiser Services; “well, doesn’t it prove you have a mental illness since you keep calling us?” After that, I  backed off my requests and decided I just needed to go public with the history of the ABC instead. This would validate the evidence and make the ABC publicly valid. This would also cement my involvement as a matter of public record. It seemed my best defense against the allegation I was “delusional” and was just conjuring up what was essentially my whole life as a “delusion”. The allegation still sits in my medical records and, as for the job posting, I was not able to apply because a “yes” answer to that question was exclusionary.

I have no doubt the intent of this person making this phone call was to cause me trouble and maybe to cover their tracks for such a vicious spiritual incrimination. Why else would they call?  A medical record is apparently a legal document so getting this purged has been a decades long fight with Kaiser. I am finding it is probably impossible to get this removed so, for now, I have given up until I can find a way to escalate my insistence with Kaiser. I have found Kaiser to be a stone wall and an uphill fight. It is quite distressing to have that hang out there in my record and , in my opinion this was nothing short of an evil act by a person who had a very direct connection to my “eternal judgment.” A person who, I assume, purports to pursue righteousness peace and joy but clearly missed the mark on that one; or at least they did those many years ago. I have no way to judge their character present day, as I have not seen them in many years, but this was just one malicious act in a series of other events lasting years that terminated with the “eternal judgment” and this phone call. Events spurred, I believe, by my refusal to help Bruce Leonard become recognized as an apostle and get paid from the tithe. That is pure speculation on my part, of course, but based on many previous experiences with Bruce there is no doubt in my mind his goal was to destroy me. There were many lesser incidents that occurred such as being shouted at for not completing “assignments  he had given me to to type up when I was just days out of the hospital with severe injuries. I was once held against my will because I wouldn’t say a particular statement he wanted me to say even though I had no idea what that statement was. I was told I wasn’t worthy of the kingdom of God when I asked not to teach while I was on heavy pain medications after our head on auto accident. I was repeatedly lied to such as when I was asked to teach at Bruce’s house telling me he was out of town only to find he was checking on how I dressed to teach. I arrived in slacks and a polo shirt and found Bruce was actually there. I was led up to his closet where I was made to change into some of his clothes. Apparently my clothes were not business like enough and was told that God is a business and a business meeting requires dress shirt and tie.  I give these as example and I could list many, many other similar incidents over a years-long period. It was a time of being badgered and told I am not worthy by Bruce. I list these here as the continual badgering led up to this final “eternal judgment” of my soul laid at my feet at that surprise meeting.   

 

To examine the motivation behind this badgering one must step back in time a bit prior to the “eternal judgement”. Bruce Leonard requested, on multiple occasions, that I help him look for a specific book at various Christian bookstores in Portland Oregon. On each of these occasions he bent my ear about helping him become an “apostle” so he could be paid from the tithe and get reimbursed for mileage.  Each time I rebuffed his advances, refusing to help.  When I did not conform to Bruce’s plan, he became visibly upset and our relationship, over time, began to change from quite friendly to persistent badgering coupled with intermittent downright hostile actions. His spouse also began to tell me I “oppressed her” for no apparent reason. I guess because I was not helping them acquire this income from the ABC?  Not sure. In my view, Bruce set out on a years-long campaign to smear me, culminating in that surprise attack with most of the elder’s present. I was rather naive to his motives then, so I just chalked it up to Bruce being Bruce and let it go. It turned out the book search itself was just a ruse because when I did locate the book (the Septuagint), and bought it for him, he rejected it. He would not take it from me stating Gilbert Larson had told him it was an evil book and to have it in one’s home would invite demonic activity. I was more than confused on why we had spent so many hours searching for the book, but just carried on with forgiveness and let it go.

The point at which I finally decided to stand up for myself and say "enough is enough" forever was at that “eternal judgment” surprise attack at Bruce’s house. I have given a short history of the lead up to that meeting on my site and, from what I have been told, Bruce, Gil and Andy tell people I just made it all up and that it did not happen. Another of my supposed “delusions” I guess? They are lying. That meeting with Andy Atwell and Mark Pedersen at IHOP happened. The “eternal judgment” at Bruce’s house happened. There are plenty of witnesses in that room that can verify this if they decide not to make lies their refuge.  Bruce told me on multiple occasions he and Gilbert Larson believe it is a righteous act to lie if it is to “protect the body”. On more than one occasion Bruce bragged to me with a chuckle about lying to people to “protect the body”. Is that really a devotion to truth? Secrecy and lies are baked into the ABC, so I have little doubt the lies continue.

As to “railing against an apostle” I have heard this statement from others as well that my site is “railing against an apostle”. I can only assume this must be something I stand accused of by the ABC leadership, however, their discomfort is born from my ending some of the myth surrounding the ABC history and that is inconvenient and uncomfortable.  I give no apology for my uncomfortable words because they are true and needed to be said. Despite the reported attempt to paint me as a liar. Anyone can duplicate the basic facts with the links I have provided. 

My site is a warning to all who find peace in the ABC that someday, when you least expect it, you may find your own life utterly devastated. Rebuilding is hard and it has happened to me more than once.  I have watched it happen to many others since I was a teen. There is some whose livelihood is wrapped up in maintaining an image of perfection and power. My site ends some of that mythos surrounding the beginnings and can be perceived as endangering their income.  Sometimes speaking truth to those who abuse power is uncomfortable but I find no evidence a person naming themselves an apostle has any special privilege over another. I make no apology for exposing what has been a long history of abuses by the ABC, over many decades, and for identifying it as the cult it became. I am sure most, if not all, in the ABC will disagree with me on that point but a person inside a cult rarely sees the cult for what it is. One of the typical motivations for staying with a cult is that it feels great to feel special and different. This is a false unity as it allows some to wrest control and inflict harm on others; for the sake of "unity".  I was there myself once, holding the coats, defending the ABC in the interest of this false “unity”; even though I saw the issues plain. I i buried them and blinded myself to the reality of the cruelties to others lives by my devotion to an organization rather than to truth. I stayed silent as I was entrapped by my false guilt that if I spoke out I would be "railing" or would be perceived as "non-forgiving". Yet, it can be seen very plain that when those in power felt I I was incorrect in a statement there were no inhibitions to  wreaking as much havoc as they chose on my life. To the point of destroying every friendship. Where is the "unity" in  that?  Peace and safety within a cult can be fleeting and, from what I heard not long ago, abuses continue to rise to the surface in the ABC.  I have seen these periods of extreme abuse come in waves as I referenced earlier on my site. Things blow up, they settle down, years pass, people say things have changed but then the process repeats itself all over again. Each time people leave with lives devastated. It is shameful and the opposite of love.

I have heard people say, “things are better now, it is not like that anymore”, but I have heard that all before too, many times over. I have spoken those exact words to others when defending the ABC.  But just like the tide, the turmoil will someday rise again, wiping away the current false peace and safety. Turmoil is baked into the DNA of the ABC denomination and these episodes are always driven by one or several individuals with inflated egos creating argument over a word or two.  As I have said many times, I was along for the ride from the very beginning when my dad started “the group” that then later became the incorporated ABC we see today. I know, from behind the scenes, the beginning, most of the middle and can even tell you the likely end of the ABC. I lived it and followed my dad blindly in an ill-fated attempt to please him. So did my next older sibling, for a while, but he got out in 1978 seeing then “the group” was becoming very cultish. He tried to warn me, but I did not listen. I should have.

 

The beginnings of the ABC were in a way accidental and heavily reliant on the existing hippie religious culture of the late sixties and early seventies. At the beginning my father and Yvonne had returned to attending a mainstream church. The "group" formed as an ancillary Bible study while he was still attending this mainstream church. When I arrived in Seattle, after running away, we continued for a few more weeks at this mainstream church but the "group" had begun to rapidly grow as a few of the students began bringing friends. Soon, the mainstream church was left behind. However,  to portray the proper image, the "group" was founded on a series of lies. This still drive the need for secrecy to protect it. Organizations like the ABC rarely last many generations intact so it will eventually fade away. 

The definition of “rail” is “to vehemently denunciate through public censure or condemnation”. As I stated previously I find no evidence a person naming themselves an "apostle" has any more protection than any other person; especially if we are to believe we are all kings and priests (Re. 5:10) and therefore all are dignitaries. Why does one person have extra protection in God’s kingdom to mete out whatever havoc they choose? God is more just than that. And where is it required that a person must be subject to any abuse dished out by someone imposing themselves as a “leader” or “apostle”?  I do not think you will find evidence that is the case and it is morally wrong.

When it was widely reported to others, that I had been “eternally judged” as a “blasphemer” by Gilbert Larson, Bruce Leonard and Andy Atwell, and therefore no one was allowed to speak to me unless a “trusted elder” was present, does this not meet the definition of public censure and/or condemnation?  In my opinion it does. Here is a verse listed on the ABC website which seems slightly hypocritical to me as I doubt they live by this.

Proverbs 16:27-28 says, "A worthless man digs up evil while his words are like a scorching fire.  A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends."

When I went to Bruce’s house, under false pretenses delivered to me by  Andy Atwell and Mark Pedersen at the IHOP meeting, I was told upfront I could not speak in my own defense, since two elders had witnessed my blasphemy (Mark Pederson and Andy Atwell). I was told there were two witnesses to my "blasphemy" and therefore any judgment was automatically deemed true and indefensible so it was an “eternal judgment” of my soul. It was stated this concept was part of the foundation, per Gilbert Larson and Gilbert had authorized this "eternal judgement" to  occur. Is that really a Foundation Truth? Is that not censure of the worst kind? Given that this accusation against me was not defensible, was based on words taken way out of context and I was having this stain painted on me forever and ever and ever. Whether it was true or not. That is a long long long time to wear a giant B on your chest. Forever!

When Bruce pulled out his notepad with pages and pages of accusations against me is that not “digging up evil”? When all in the room simply stared at me silently as he began to read his accusations, to which I was not allowed to defend myself or even speak, is that not “censure”?  When people were called and told I was a “blasphemer”, based on one person’s opinion of the words I spoke, taken out of context, is that not “slander that separates intimate friends”?  I know for certain I lost many people that day I once considered as intimate friends. But a true friend would not condemn without investigation because that would be the height of ignorance. Right?  

To lose close friends in this manner is an indescribable feeling of hurt that never leaves you. Was my response at that ambush to begin speaking loudly, or to argue back and create a scene?  Nope, I did nothing of the kind. I calmly got up, gave each person in the room a hug then left Bruce’s house knowing there was no hope. The next day I cried for several hours over the loss, but I also resolved to end the abuses toward myself forever and never return. Enough is enough. I have only so many cheeks to turn. If it were now perceived that, as mere men, we could pass eternal judgments on each other I wanted no part of that endeavor…ever again. That is so wrong on so many levels and is another mark of a vicious cult. I knew then things had deteriorated much more than I had realized. I realized then there was absolutely no hope of return to any sort of “normalcy” in that environment. If there ever actually was a peaceful normal. I knew then I would never see those people I had once believed were my friends again. What was clear is they had all become more followers of Bruce and man than followers of God and righteousness. That is very cultish. I learned later, after reading books about toxic churches and cults, this exact scenario plays out over and over in many groups in many nations, across the globe and not just in the ABC. It is all too common, is not of God and it is a cultish doctrine born purely out of pride and love of self.  

After I left the “eternal judgment”, without listening to the remaining accusations on Bruce’s pad, he then upped his attacks on my character by calling people and forbidding them to speak to me. Vicious. He also threatened anyone who chose to speak with me that if they continued to talk to me, they would be kicked out of the ABC. It was ever increasing viciousness. They were told they had to decide if they were “in the body or out of the body”. To a person in the ABC that is perceived as a loss of salvation itself.  When I left Bruce’s “eternal judgment” I continued meetings at my house for a time but, after these threats, most did not show up again, so I ended them. This was far from just a minor disagreement as some have apparently been led to believe. It was a full-on vicious attack on my character over an extended period and that is a huge marker of a cultish environment. No one was asked to drink Kool-Aid but, when asked to attack another, most were more than willing to just go along. It is groupthink playing out and that is cultish thinking.  Not long after this is when that phone call was made to Kaiser.

You stated this is probably just a difficulty I had with Bruce and that these things need to be forgiven. I pass no “eternal judgment” on Bruce or any other person. This was many years ago and I have no idea where their mindset is now other than what I hear from time to time. This is essentially a historical record, not one of current complaint, and my indictment is not of any specific person but rather an indictment of the teachings and doctrines of the ABC organization that have created principalities and powers motivating people to commit these abusive acts. Without those doctrinal influences these abuses would not ever occur. The ever-narrowing doctrines of zero tolerance for the frailty of humanity, giving the excuse that the way is narrow so our hearts must also be narrow, is counter to the actual teachings of Jesus and creates scenarios where this kind of abuse can occur. I understand these scenarios now and how they occur. It is groupthink or a complete absence of individual thought. 

 

 In the human body there are many types of cells and each cell is individual. When cells begin to “groupthink” and replicate without diversity that is called cancer. The body consists of many diverse parts and diversity is the norm. Without diversity the body dies. Groupthink is a cancer in the body.  Wars have begun because of groupthink and groupthink is at the heart of cultish behaviors. The Corinthians obviously struggled with this because the twelfth chapter of the first letter to those at Corinth covers the avoidance of groupthink in fine detail. The ABC works hard to make sure all thought is cookie cutter unified and that is just like a cancerous growth and not indicative of healthy cells. Healthy cells must  be quite diverse from any other cell. If it were not so, we could end up with a liver for a brain.

I know this scenario will inevitably happen again in the ABC at some point because the basic premise of the ABC is to teach groupthink. People need to understand this and protect themselves from groupthink if they remain in the ABC. Putting on the critical thinking cap is vitally important.  Like a tidal wave that rises from the sea there is usually little warning when these things occur, and lives are destroyed. Finding high ground in these scenarios is often difficult.  Study cults and you will find most people in cults are quite contented and happy, often even ecstatic, until things go completely south and then overnight, they are not so happy and peaceful any longer.  Read these words below by Michael Rectenwald of New York University;

The pattern is clear: led by a religious zealot or two, shunning begins with the zealot's finger-pointing and shaming of the soon-to-be-outcast individual. It relies on a mob mentality and the induction of the desired behavior toward the accused of herd-compliance and mimicry. The followers, some true believers, others merely cowards, soon fall in line. As word spreads through the community, it quickly reaches a critical mass, and thus an entire group...acts as one, a herd in motion, and thus treatment of a person as if they were the equivalent of a moral leper is attained. ¹

I know there is negative approval of my site and I am considered trouble, but I am OK with that. I will continue to be trouble because I no longer want to see people hurt. If I can provide enough historical background and example to overturn the tables a bit to prevent that, I will. I put out this history and it is up to the reader to verify my facts and make their own decision. I welcome independent review of my facts, but I do not believe you can count on the leaders to provide that honest background as it threatens the virtual walls of the ABC they protect. As to Bruce and others, people change, and I hope they no longer lord it over people or have super inflated egos puffed up from knowledge devoid of actual truth. I must be honest and say I am doubtful that will remain as long as the ABC doctrines remain consistent with cultish groupthink.  I have not seen Bruce or any of these other people since that day, with exception of a couple of accidental encounters in grocery or other stores. That type of encounter usually results in the person turning tail and running without speaking to me. They likely feel they would be tainted if they spoke to a “blasphemer”.  Another mark of a cult.  

While I hold no anger or contempt against those involved it was still a life changing event for me and I will forever carry the sadness of the friendships they viciously destroyed. Forgivable? Sure. I understand completely now their wrong motivation. I've been there too. But there are scars that will never heal and that can sometimes be painful.  They perpetrated these acts, at the time, feeling they were doing God service. It is an easy trap to fall into when pursuing knowledge rather than truth. The absence of not allowing for differing perspectives through groupthink causes a lack of critical thinking which then eliminates love entirely.  It happens all over the world, not just in the ABC.

I suffered extreme monetary loss as a result of these actions. I had to sell the genuinely nice house I had just bought and had made a lot of improvements to. I eventually had to quit my job and move across the river to get away from people calling me or coming to my door with the intent of  questioning my integrity or telling me I must return and submit to Bruce’s authority; “for the sake of unity”.  A few would not even enter my door for fear I would cause them “spiritual harm” if they entered the house of a “blasphemer”.  Some were calling my wife at work or sending her private mail at her mother’s house telling her I was evil, she needed to leave me and “return to the body” without me. On one occasion I was invited to a person’s house for a “friendly dinner” only to find myself in a long unfriendly interrogation session on why I was being called a blasphemer. Many times I repeated the statement I made at that meeting, in context and my purpose behind the words, but the repeated reply back was always a rude “there must have been more to it than that.” In fact, there was not anything more than that. However, this couple still made sure I understood they considered me to be lying and covering up “my other blasphemies”. Extremely uncomfortable dinner. This was also one of the people I suspect may have made that call to Kaiser, and the one who had direct access to my medical records.  It was full-on spiritual and psychological torture and the fact one cannot just peacefully leave a church is another mark of a cult. My only recourse was to move away from Vancouver and hide from the barrage of those who seemed to question my very existence. This is another earmark of a cult.

 

 

Another earmark of a cult is the teaching that truth can only be found within its walls. That is wrong in every respect and is indicative of a cult. The world is a big place. Roughly 7.8 billion people live on this small globe rotating through space. The grouping of books selected by the ABC to create its interpretations of the Bible are available to roughly three-thousand of those 7.8 billion people currently alive.  I am being generous in my assumptions. I took into consideration that James Stegenga printed about two-thousand of his book. Then I considered the ABC will likely print another thousand or so for distribution before it fades away. Even if you multiply those numbers greatly it is an exceedingly small number of people that have access to these books for Greek Word Study.  Roughly .000000384 percent of the living population to be more exact, using my calculations of copies issued. I did not count those who became deceased in our lifetime. The word gospel means good news and it is definitely not good news if God’s salvation and mercy can only be found through continual Greek word study unavailable to 99.9999997 percent of the population. These are all modern books and have only served to skew truth and mercy, bending it into a shape of man’s design. I have witnessed how this has led to many quarrels over words over the years. God is not a linear set of words and facts. God just is.  We will never fully understand God no matter how long and hard we study Greek or English.  I tried once, through intense word study, to make God and Zion linear and acceptable to my human mind. So I could better understand God, I thought. I failed. So did Solomon when he tried. I assume he suffered the same headache I suffered that month. It was this experience that allowed me to finally understand the vanity spoken about in the book of Ecclesiastes. This is an uncomfortable truth to many because the human mind seeks to put everything in neat little boxes, or lines on a page, so we can feel “in control”. We are not in control and never will be in control. There is no specific linear order in the entire universe. There is only perfect randomness without straight lines. If you look closely at all of creation you will find that everything is arced or circular. Why would God's truth be any different? Trees exhibit this perfect randomness as does all of nature and the universe. Of making many books there is no end and much study is wearying to humans.

I have no doubt I will be rejected as a fool, but I am not alone in being a fool, so I am OK with that. I do find it odd that one week before I was a blasphemer Andy Atwell had “prophesied” that God saved me in the accident because I had something “important to teach the body”. I did not put a lot of weight in his words then or now but one week later I was suddenly a blasphemer and a fool. Go figure. However, a “prophet” that “prophesies” wrongly is never to be listened to again if you follow the book of Deuteronomy Chapter 18.

Keep reminding God's people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. 2 Ti. 2:14

My viewpoints on this may seem radical in our current era but step back just seven hundred years and all these books used; including that compendium of ancient texts formatted into searchable chapter and verse we call the Holy Bible did not exist as an easily accessible document or in an easily parsed format. No printing presses creating an easily obtainable volume so the collected documents currently in our Bible were instead n far flung places across the globe. In the 1400’s these texts were assembled into one standardized volume by Catholic bishops, monks, priests and scribes. If a person, prior to this time period, wanted to read all of the books of the current Bible, they would need to travel thousands of miles. They could then not just make photocopies for their personal library.  Buying a book was possible but, not being mass produced, they were financially out of reach for the common man. That is assuming they were even literate enough to read it as most were not literate. They relied on oral tradition and memory instead. Publicly funded schools are a modern contrivance so if one had no money for education literacy was a luxury.  Only in the last seven hundred years were these writings collected into a singular bound document available to the common man and printed en masse. There were a few small collections of copied writings in existence dating back to about 400 CE but these were held in singular locations. Even then, they would not in any way resemble the assembled collection of writings we now call “The Bible”.  Most were unbound collections of the books of Moses, the prophets and likely some of the wisdom and poetic books. They would not have included any of the New Testament books as these were not even books. They were mostly letters that had been written to different communities and were passed down in families. These were at times copied by scribes and shared with others. When the official  church was formed there was about one thousand years of disagreements on which texts should be included in the official Bible so, in the 1400’s, the Catholic Church held years of meetings. They fought and argued; I believe there were a few homicides involved as well; then solidified and standardized the texts we have today in our Bible. Later, a Protestant movement removed some of the “Catholic texts” (Maccabees, Bel and the Dragon…) so there are now two Bibles: Protestant and Catholic. Both compendiums were born out of the Catholic Church initially.  In the mid 1500's a man named Robert Stephanus created the chapter and verse format we have today. This made the texts in the newly completed Holy Bible easily searchable but that was more curse than blessing as the letters and historical documents contained within were now much more easily sliced and diced into multitudinous opinions, factions and doctrines to be argued over. The books and letters of the Bible we have today are incomplete, are great for edification if used correctly, but they are just that, books and letters. They are not the law of the Spirit and certainly not the complete truth of the Spirit that gives life. That is not found in a book entire and there is not enough paper to record it. This is the trap the ABC has perpetuated, that we have our books to protect us and tell us all we need to know. It is why the making of books can be a curse if not properly moderated. This is not to diminish the value of those writings. Just the ease at which we can infinitely parse them and by doing so remove our focus from the peaceful truth they should convey. We instead replace this peace with wars over words. Our quest and pursuit of endless knowledge is a vain pursuit. Ask “all is vanity” Solomon. The truth of God is simple, easily understood and peaceful. Books can easily muddy those waters, blind us to truth and empty us of peace and love. Knowledge puffs up.

 

Step back less than two hundred years and all those books currently used to identify, and parse scripture and word did not even exist. (Strongs (1890), Youngs (1879), Panin (1914), Stegenga (1963), Vines (1940)…) So, for at least thirteen hundred years the easily accessible writings used to interpret, align and delineate the ABC rules through word study were either non-existent or not easily accessed. No photocopiers, no printing presses, no word study books, no seven steps, reading cards… Jesus, the disciples, the apostles and all those that followed for well more than a thousand years had no easily accessible Bible or written scripture. They relies on mostly oral tradition. Using the ABC reasoning of salvation being through proper interpretation and proper aligning of scripture and context through Greek and Numerical study means every one of those born during this “dark era” of oral tradition, with no bound study books, had no hope of salvation. Bruce’s statements to me that without James Stegenga’s Interlinear concordance, salvation could not be found cannot possibly be true and is a trap. God is not so unjust that he would leave behind that many people. This is a ridiculous viewpoint foisted on people as a ploy to bind them to the ABC’s endless pursuit of word knowledge through Greek word studies and specific accepted books. It serves only to keep them dependent on the organization and not the Spirit. I say this as a book lover! This viewpoint of continual word study only serves to eliminate justice, mercy and true faithfulness to God…the weightier matters. It completely stymies personal spiritual growth and makes a person reliant on man.

This doctrine of word search, over seeking God in peace and safety directly, is what has puffed up pride in some and quenched the love between many people.  It has led to great pomposity and caused heinous acts to occur in the ABC over many decades. It is self-righteousness carried to a fullness. It is Nicolaitan at its core and has only served to breed another lineage of Pharisees.  It is purported by the ABC established doctrines that God and truth do not exist everywhere in the universe but must be found strictly within its virtual walls. If one leaves the ABC they are perceived to be “in the wilderness” and no longer protected by God. Really? This is a false assumption and is another marker of a cultish church. Just calling it like it is. God is eternal and universal. God is everywhere in the universe and every particle of the universe contains God. I can prove that. James Stegenga and all those other authors had a beginning, a middle and an end. Most, if not all, are now dead. God and his truth are eternal, and you won’t always find that in a book.

A secondary goal of my website was to point out the ABC is a construct of a man and not something that just fell from the heavens one day or by some divine ordinance or establishment. It is a denomination like all other denominations; started by a man who abandoned his family to the street to pursue building it and separated it off from Broadway Tabernacle doctrines. This has made it a very flawed structure as are all other man-made structures. We are God's building and  no other construction project will ever measure up.  Is a man who abandoned his family qualified to start a new church? In my opinion, no. This places it on very shaky ground. These facts are without question and that culture of abandonment espoused by the founder has been carried forward as a doctrine of abandonment in the ABC to this day.

For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? 1 Ti. 3:5

If seeking truth requires bondage or pain it is time to seek God elsewhere. The pursuit of knowledge is not necessarily a pursuit of truth. Truth seeking should be a peaceable endeavor, not a gritting of your teeth experience. Knowledge puffs up but truth edifies self and others. Truth is easily understood without grueling word match and study.

I do not rail against any apostle on my site.  I simply shine light on the history of a corporate aberrant denominational religious organization which holds many secrets and bears no true fruit; love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, etc. It is a denomination that seeks to dominate men’s souls through fleshly works of endless knowledge pursuit with little growth of actual truth. It is a dormant entity. Those who do not conform to the leaders views are abandoned or put away. It’s always been that way and likely will remain that way. The ABC is not much different than those referred to in Timothy as “ever learning but never coming to the knowledge of truth” or in Hebrews when they are instructed to move on from the foundations because they have stagnated. And if you do not believe the ABC holds secrets, ask for an accounting of the tithe sometime and see what happens. I assure you, there are secrets.  

 

It has been perceived by some I just got angry over one simple matter then left in a huff but this is far from the truth. This was not just a one-time encounter that opened my eyes and fully convinced me the ABC was a non-peaceful cult. It was a decades long experience starting when I was thirteen and a period of great turmoil entered our family caused by my dad’s drive to start a church of his own. This philosophy or doctrine was then carried into the denomination / cult my dad started. The end for me was when the “eternal judgment” was laid on me which capped one individual’s campaign against me that lasted years.   

I had been warned when I moved to Battleground that I should just do what Bruce told me because Bruce had his specific way of doing things and it would not go well for me if I crossed him. That turned out to be quite true. It is easier to follow the directions of a visible man than an invisible God and I found most in the area just went along with whatever Bruce commanded; right or wrong. He was in complete control, had his group of followers and it was clear by the absolute silence of all persons in that room at my “eternal judgment”.  Another marker of a cult.

These were the people he referred to repeatedly as “my area”.  He controlled people through fear, not love and respect. Another marker of a cult. I would not be controlled by Bruce and it really bothered him.  I would not go along with his plan to become an apostle and I have no doubt the surprise “eternal judgment” attack was his final step of “eliminating” me.  Spiritual homicide in a way. What was also clear is that Bruce had Gilbert Larson’s complete blessing for all his actions as stated to me on that day. He was very upfront at my “eternal judgment” he was doing this at the behest of Gilbert Larson. I was given no chance to speak or defend myself and I stand by my words spoken that were alleged to be “blasphemy”. They were not. Consider it blasphemy if you will but, at issue was my statement that Jesus was “in the flesh” as a Child. If one is to believe 1 John 4 which says “And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist…” then those who rejected my words as “blasphemous” must themselves be of the antichrist. You judge. Jesus was born of the flesh and was not of the Spirit until his death and resurrection. This is precisely what the ABC teaches on a regular basis so I can only judge that the true issue was not my words spoken but was indeed a calculated plot to get rid of me through opportunity. It worked well and opened my eyes to what the ABC really is. A cult or what is sometimes referred to as a Totalist Aberrant Christian Organization, if the word cult happens to stick in your craw a bit. Same thing though. And that is just truth, not a railing accusation against any one person. It is a culture, a principality and power I invoke and not any specific person. The persons involved in these actions think they do God service but have really been taken by their arrogant pride, puffed up from excess pursuit of knowledge and not truth. It is not their fault. It is a result of their spiritual upbringing. I was once the same judgmental creature as those in that room, for which I am now ashamed. I consider myself a recovering Pharisee. I have put away building my phylactery as a source of false pride.

Despite Bruce’s tendency toward despotism I remained on friendly terms with him, or so I thought. Privately I was bothered by things I saw, and spoke up on occasion, but I did what I could to stay to myself and out of his cross-hairs the best I could. That was not easy. When a few new people entered the mix and they saw glaring issues and were very vocal. It was assumed I was the instigator but in fact, I had said nothing to these individuals and they had come to their own conclusions.  Some close to me expressed hope these new people would perhaps help clear up some of the issues that existed, but those were empty words. I remained friends with these new people even though they were perceived as a threat. In many ways I was kidding myself that things would be different someday. After decades of witnessing the ABC abuses that began after the shepherding movement meetings my dad attended, of which Derek Prince was one of the instigators, I should have known this was an embedded philosophy of the ABC. This was a philosophy my dad bought into completely at those shepherding meetings and passed along to those that followed. There was never a single time in my teenage years my dad talked to me directly about issues. Instead I was repeatedly “brought before the elders” for any small thing a teen normally encounters as a result of being a teen. I was then completely disowned by my dad in San Diego with everyone's groupthink blessing and he sent a teenage girl to my door to collect the tapes from the “tape ministry” which I was managing. I will not go into the reasons specifically on why he disowned me, but it stemmed from his belief that I intended to talk openly about some serious matters I knew of that involved him. I had no intention of speaking to anyone about the matters, just to him, but when he called a "hash out" meeting and I asked to speak to him privately, he ran out the door and disappeared. I never saw him again after that and he had word sent to me that I was disowned, and he never wanted to see me again. His choice, not mine.  

 

I was warned, not long before Bruce’s surprise attack on me, that there were some in power who felt I knew too much about the past abuses. I was told there were things in the works to make sure I kept silent. I had no idea how strong this condemnation of my person would be. Eternal! One individual promised me that when that time came, they would defend me. However, they were but one of the silent faces staring back at me in that room when I was not allowed to speak.  I just chalk that up to a lack of courage and completely understand why. I have been there holding the coats, just like they, while others were trashed and abused and did not speak up. These things are another mark of a cult. 

The primary defense the ABC presents to my writing of the history; heard through the grapevine; is that I am just a liar. I heard this just recently, so I know this is still what people are being told.  I provided my evidence and do not care if anyone believes me or acts on my words.  They are true and, as I have stated, spoken from my perspective alone. I have provided proofs and references whenever possible. It is many hours of research and I did my best to keep the time-frame accurate and remove emotion, but I likely failed in a few spots. There is still a great bit of pain in our family from my dad’s abandonment. Certainly, some of the comments others have written validate some of my concerns.

If someone is finding peace and fellowship in the ABC, I wish them well, but I also want them to know it may not last.  I would not encourage anyone to be drawn in initially by their false love as it may end up badly many  years later if one dares to question or speak the wrong thing. And I encourage anyone who feels they are being currently abused by the ABC to leave without feeling guilt. God is not the author of abuse and you do not have to just grit your teeth and bear it. They portray themselves as the only place that holds truth but that is a myth. Truth can be found anywhere in the universe; so, it is for certain truth can be found anywhere on earth. Truth is universal and the ABC holds no franchise on truth.  If the abuses reach a level that may be illegal, such as when I was held against my will at Bruce’s house, or when an elder in Belfair tried to strike me, then I would encourage that individual to seek police or legal action if you feel it necessary without guilt. I feel a deep responsibility to this because it was my dad that started this cult-based organization, and I remained silent all those years, holding the coats, as I saw others spiritually, emotionally and, on a few occasions, even physically abused. There is a trail of broken people in the wake of the ABC going back to the beginning. I hope they found peace. The ABC uses quite common guilt-based control tactics to hold people captive and these tactics are used in many other cultish organizations around the globe. It is difficult to see this when one is in the thick of it but, once you step back, it is quite apparent.

I appreciate your comments and your concerns. Attaching your name to your comment shows courage. I cannot foresee a scenario I would ever return. I have been down that road before and was not truly accepted and had to even negotiate my way back in. I know the ABC believes the only place truth can be found is inside their virtual walls but that is just not true. God is universal, not that small and the ABC is not the sole repository of truth. Finding truth does not need to be paired with gritting your teeth, feeling the pain and just putting up with it. I did that for decades blindly and will not ever do that again. Additionally, the friendships destroyed by Bruce et al could not ever be regained. The large sum of money it cost me to get away from those final abuses was due to my own weakness and will never be recovered. But it is only money and peace has much more value.

That underlying current of abusive practices continues under the surface whether others recognize it or not. I do not need to be there to know this is true because it is baked into the ABC cake and cannot be removed. Dig past the frosting and you will not always find sweetness under the surface. There are some very bitter pills baked in as well. They remain even though they may not currently be visible.

I hold only sadness and not anger or bitterness, as one person stated, for the loss of friendships. But they were not true friendship as they turned out to be quite fragile. What is telling is that you mention there would be apologies, but only if I came back. There is really no apology necessary, I understand the mechanisms that caused these people to commit these offenses and I am sincere in saying they hold no individual guilt. they are victims of some very bad doctrine that leads them to behave badly.  But I am not even sure that is true that apologies would be offered. Eternal is a  very  long time and it would not be the first time apologies have been offered or given but then later rescinded.

The people perpetrating these things think they are doing God service and do not know what they do. They are blind to their abusive nature.  If some choose to call me a liar about these things, then that is on their own conscience. I tell the truth. We all view the world from different perspectives, and I suppose I have the disadvantage of knowing more about the beginning than the rest since I lived it nearly every day, not just attended meetings a couple days per week. I know how my father could be charismatic to some people in the ABC but then, at times, be very cruel to me and others. This was part of the legacy he left.  I feel part of my role is to make sure this type of abuse does not ever happen again, although I doubt that is possible. But I can try. I will not take the site down and I have no intent to rejoin the ABC at any time.  I will make myself available to anyone in the future who feels they have been grossly abused by the ABC and needs someone to bear witness to the past abuses I am privy to.

I encourage you to read the book “12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee.” It is a flawed book, as he advocates allowing your freedom to become an occasion to the flesh a bit, but when you look beyond that blemish the underlying tenets are excellent. The ABC is a group of Pharisees and recovery from Pharisaical thinking is necessary to overcome. I would also encourage you to research these nearly similar shunning practices by Jehovah Witness and Scientology. Leah Remini has a good documentary on AETV for both organizations and below is an entry in Wikipedia regarding JW shunning and disfellowshipping. There are some amazing parallels between the ABC practices and these organizations.   The ABC is not the only organization committing these deeds. There are many other small cultish groups practicing this as well.  I wish you well.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Jehovah's Witnesses practice a form of excommunication, using the term "disfellowshipping", in cases where a member is believed to have unrepentantly committed one or more of several documented "serious sins".^[33] The practice is based on their interpretation of 1 Corinthians 5:11-13 ("quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man....remove the wicked man from your midst") and 2 John 10 ("never receive him in your home or say a greeting to him"). They interpret these verses to mean that any baptized believer who engages in "gross sins" is to be expelled from the congregation and shunned.

When a member confesses to, or is accused of, a serious sin, a judicial committee of at least three elders is formed. This committee investigates the case and determines the magnitude of the sin committed. If the person is deemed guilty of a disfellowshipping offense, the committee then decides, on the basis of the person's attitude and "works befitting repentance" (Acts 26:20), whether the person is to be considered repentant. The "works" may include trying to correct the wrong, making apologies to any offended individuals, and compliance with earlier counsel. If deemed guilty but repentant, the person is not disfellowshipped but is formally reproved and has restrictions imposed, which preclude the individual from various activities such as presenting talks, offering public prayers or making comments at religious meetings. If the person is deemed guilty and unrepentant, he or she will be disfellowshipped. Unless an appeal is made within seven days, the disfellowshipping is made formal by an announcement at the congregation's next Service Meeting. Appeals are granted to determine if procedural errors are felt to have occurred that may have affected the outcome.

Disfellowshipping is a severing of friendly relationships between all Jehovah's Witnesses and the disfellowshipped person. Interaction with extended family is typically restricted to a minimum, such as presence at the reading of wills and providing essential care for the elderly. Within a household, typical family contact may continue, but without spiritual fellowship such as family Bible study and religious discussions. Parents of disfellowshipped minors living in the family home may continue to attempt to convince the child about the group's teachings. Jehovah's Witnesses believe that this form of discipline encourages the disfellowshipped individual to conform to biblical standards and prevents the person from influencing other members of the congregation.^[34]

Along with breaches of the Witnesses' moral code, openly disagreeing with the teachings Jehovah's Witnesses is considered grounds for shunning.^[34] These persons are labeled as "apostates" and are described in Watch Tower Society literature as "mentally diseased".^[35][36] Descriptions of "apostates" appearing in the Witnesses literature have been the subject of investigation in the UK to determine if they violate religious hatred laws.^[37] Sociologist Andrew Holden claims many Witnesses who would otherwise defect because of disillusionment with the organization and its teachings, remain affiliated out of fear of being shunned and losing contact with friends and family members.^[38] Shunning employs what is known as relational aggression in psychological literature. When used by church members and member-spouse parents against excommunicant parents it contains elements of what psychologists call parental alienation. Extreme shunning may cause trauma to the shunned (and to their dependents) similar to what is studied in the psychology of torture.^[38]

Disassociation is a form of shunning where a member expresses verbally or in writing that they do not wish to be associated with Jehovah's Witnesses, rather than for having committed any specific 'sin'.^[39] Elders may also decide that an individual has disassociated, without any formal statement by the individual, by actions such as accepting a blood transfusion,^[40] or for joining another religious^[41] or military organization.^[42] Individuals who are deemed by the elders to have disassociated are given no right of appeal.^[43][44]

Each year, congregation elders are instructed to consider meeting with disfellowshipped individuals to determine changed circumstances and encourage them to pursue reinstatement.^[45] Reinstatement is not automatic after a certain time period, nor is there a minimum duration; disfellowshipped persons may talk to elders at any time but must apply in writing to be considered for reinstatement into the congregation.^[46][47] Elders consider each case individually, and are instructed to ensure "that sufficient time has passed for the disfellowshipped person to prove that his profession of repentance is genuine."^[48] A judicial committee meets with the individual to determine their repentance, and if this is established, the person is reinstated into the congregation and may participate with the congregation in their formal ministry (such as house-to-house preaching),^[49] but is prohibited from commenting at meetings or holding any privileges for a period set by the judicial committee. If possible, the same judicial committee members who disfellowshipped the individual are selected for the reinstatement hearing. If the applicant is in a different area, the person will meet with a local judicial committee that will communicate with either the original judicial committee if available or a new one in the original congregation. 2 

¹  Rectenwald, Michael,  2017/08/16, - Shaming & Shunning: The People Who Do It, & Its Likely Effects (Part I), CLG News  

2   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shunning