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As I move into the final San Diego period; final for me anyhow since I have no plans to live there again; I now jump slightly ahead in the story to write about the impact my father's "church-building" had on his natural and adopted family. This is important to analyze because if a man cannot build an earthly family correctly, and give it some glue, he cannot be expected to build a spiritual family that also maintains some glue. It is not possible.
... but if a man doesn't know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the assembly of God?
1 Timothy 3:5
I claim no perfection with family building. Following the ABC guidance, I failed that role myself. I did what I learned; even if what I learned was wrong. But I have no intention of starting a church, as my father did, and do not feel qualified. I also do not feel my father was qualified to start a church.
A major era in my life ended in San Diego. The events that happened during this chapter of my life caused my father to thrust me completely out of his church and his life. I was present in his life, but not once did I ever feel I was actually in his life. When he finally disowned me completely; because I would not see everything exactly as he did; he did not even tell me this himself. He instead left word with another individual that when they saw me again; they were to tell me he never wanted to see me again. It is a promise he kept to his grave and is a scar that will never heal. Despite our differences, and despite the pain he brought to me and many other people, I still wish we had been close. At least for a short period. It never happened. Sadly, only a few ever questioned his actions, then or even now. Itwas assumed , since he had appointed himself "the apostle", everything he did or said must have been correct and "from God." I assure you, it was not. From an insider perspective, of both his family and church, he was just as fallible as anyone else and committed many acts which would have caused anyone else in the church to be "disciplined " or cast out. He committed a few acts which could have seen him confronted by the justice system. Because of his self appointed status as "apostle", he was never once called to account for his actions by the members of the church.
After my father's death, and after many of the facts of the "Mexican Ministry" period began to surface,Gilbert Larson visited my home in Port Orchard WA. (I had moved there shortly after being ex-communicated the first time.) Gilbert acknowledged I had been wronged, apologized on everyone's behalf, then told me God needed me "in the body" and requested I return. After my father had thrust me out, in such a violent manner, I had no intention of ever returning to the ABC. Especially after the humiliation I suffered when I was told by David North I was not welcome at my father's funeral. My siblings; who had long ago rejected the ABC; were apparently welcome to attend, yet I was not. My older sibling made a scene, threatened a lawsuit against the ABC, they backed down and I attended. However, I was told I was not allowed to speak. I went to the funeral, which despite the ABC contention they are not a "church" in the usual sense, was held in a chapel and was very "church-like". I t felt like the final abandonment by my father as he reached beyond the grave to once again slam me into a wall one last time. That sting hurts to this day but, if I were to put our complete family history on full display, my father had a history of abandoning his family long before I was even born.
After Gilbert visited my home, I did not return to the ABC right away. I waited a few months then, taking the apology bait, returned. I did not understand then I was simply being played on a hook by Gilbert Larson so he could trade more easily on my father's name. My first realization of this came when I discovered Gilbert was reprinting a book my father wrote when he was alive. Gilbert Larson was putting my father's name, picture and a mailing address on the back cover of this book as if he was still alive and one could write to my father with questions! This deeply offended me and I told Gilbert so quite emphatically. He suggested, when we spoke, perhaps he should have talked to me first. I would have said "no" and am certain this is why he did not ask. The practice of presenting someone deceased as having a PO Box where one could write to them just seems far out of line with what would be considered normal.
My brother, two years my senior; and also once an elder in the ABC, holding regular meetings in his home; left "the group" suddenly in 1978 declaring it to be "cult-like" and overly authoritative. He told me then he did not like the directions things were heading and saw people were losing their ability to think for themselves. At the time he mildly suggested I get out too. I did not listen but I wish I had.
There is no reason to list all the messy details but life at our home was much less than calm. As a result, my oldest sibling left our home at age seventeen, choosing the Vietnam war, and military service, over the war at home. They never chose to be part of the ABC.
I have two step-siblings; a stepbrother Jon and a stepsisterLaVonne and have not seen them since the day I was disowned so I know little firsthand about their current lives. I know only what I have heard through the grapevine. My stepbrother, while I lived in San Diego, had a few run -ins with the law, and a substance abuse problem but the last I heard he had moved to LA, straightened out his life and had a great job with a telecommunications company. He was smart, when he applied himself, so I know he has done well. He also separated himself from the ABC, as soon as he could leave home, and did not return.
My stepsister drifted into drug use at about age eleven or twelve. At last report she was trying to survive on the streets of San Diego with a serious substance abuse problem and was making money for her drug addictions in any way she could. If she has straightened out her life since, I wish her well.
My stepmother, Yvonne, keeps a monetary connection with the ABC through a retirement fund paid from the monthly tithes. That retirement plan has been a point of contention within the church for many years. She no longer has any connection to the meetings, decision making or to the church itself in any other way than monetary.
There was a time, a number of years ago, when all the anger I stuffed about what my father had done to our family, and his adopted family, leaked out when I was alone. I would shout at him, even though I knew very well he lay silent beneath the ground at the Naval cemetery in Point Loma and could never hear or respond. These one-sided angry dialogues served no real purpose other than to reveal I had plenty of buried anger to deal with. I have done that, but still so much wish he was not beyond the reach of my words so I could tell him how I feel. He left behind quite a lot of pain in our family,as well as many other families and lives. This pain will never be completely resolved .
The last day I saw my father alive was in a hastily called "body counsel" in San Diego. At this "body counsel" I asked to speak to him privately in his office. He adamantly refused, became enraged, ran out the front door, got in his van and, still in a rage, drove out of control across the front lawn leaving deep furrows. He did not ever return that night and instead passed word through others he had disowned me completely. It was heartbreaking then, and even more so now. When I see others present him as a "man of God", and feel he had something more from God than all the rest, it is honestly painful. He was not in control of his emotions and this last incidence of rage was not an anomaly. I know the grace of God, and his mercy, will cover the mistakes he made but I cannot view him as someone more special than any other person. He was a man with faults like any other and the myths that have grown around his life are difficult to hear. I was there in his real life. I know the truth.
Many loved my father and, honestly, despite my anger with him at his actions toward our family, I loved him too in some ways. He was my father; he had a good side, and, with a few exceptions, would not regard him as plotting or evil.He was mostly driven to fulfill his goal of heading up a church and he let that goal own him. Even to the point of abandoning his family responsibilities and even to the point of deliberately manipulating others through lies and falsehoods. I was, at one time, early on, an admirer of what I thought was his vision. That of a group of people who would serve God in peace, love and true fellowship; but the words he spoke did not ever match the reality of what actually happened.
While I loved my father, he never did truly love or respect his natural family. We were mostly a burden to him and interfered with his "mission" of building a church of his own design. He pulled us along, on his ever growing quest to build a church, mostly out of obligation, and not love of family. On San Juan Island, when that burden became too great, he left his family behind to pursue his "church building" but this time with even greater fervor.For some reason, and this has always confused me; he abandoned his natural family then immediately adopted a brand new family.
My father left a legacy of a broken family and also left behind the legacy of a broken church. This church "The Assembly of the Body of Christ" (ABC) now follows in those footsteps he left behind and leaves in its wake broken hearts and broken people just like my father left behind a broken family.
A major era in my life ended in San Diego. The events that happened during this chapter of my life caused my father to thrust me completely out of his church and his life. I was present in his life, but not once did I ever feel I was actually in his life. When he finally disowned me completely; because I would not see everything exactly as he did; he did not even tell me this himself. He instead left word with another individual that when they saw me again; they were to tell me he never wanted to see me again. It is a promise he kept to his grave and is a scar that will never heal. Despite our differences, and despite the pain he brought to me and many other people, I still wish we had been close. At least for a short period. It never happened. Sadly, only a few ever questioned his actions, then or even now. It
After my father's death, and after many of the facts of the "Mexican Ministry" period began to surface,
After Gilbert visited my home, I did not return to the ABC right away. I waited a few months then, taking the apology bait, returned. I did not understand then I was simply being played on a hook by Gilbert Larson so he could trade more easily on my father's name. My first realization of this came when I discovered Gilbert was reprinting a book my father wrote when he was alive. Gilbert Larson was putting my father's name, picture and a mailing address on the back cover of this book as if he was still alive and one could write to my father with questions! This deeply offended me and I told Gilbert so quite emphatically. He suggested, when we spoke, perhaps he should have talked to me first. I would have said "no
My brother, two years my senior; and also once an elder in the ABC, holding regular meetings in his home; left "the group" suddenly in 1978 declaring it to be "cult-like" and overly authoritative. He told me then he did not like the directions things were heading and saw people were losing their ability to think for themselves. At the time he mildly suggested I get out too. I did not listen but I wish I had.
There is no reason to list all the messy details but life at our home was much less than calm. As a result, my oldest sibling left our home at age seventeen, choosing the Vietnam war, and military service, over the war at home. They never chose to be part of the ABC.
I have two step-siblings; a stepbrother Jon and a stepsister
My stepsister drifted into drug use at about age eleven or twelve. At last report she was trying to survive on the streets of San Diego with a serious substance abuse problem and was making money for her drug addictions in any way she could. If she has straightened out her life since, I wish her well.
My stepmother, Yvonne, keeps a monetary connection with the ABC through a retirement fund paid from the monthly tithes. That retirement plan has been a point of contention within the church for many years. She no longer has any connection to the meetings, decision making or to the church itself in any other way than monetary.
There was a time, a number of years ago, when all the anger I stuffed about what my father had done to our family, and his adopted family, leaked out when I was alone. I would shout at him, even though I knew very well he lay silent beneath the ground at the Naval cemetery in Point Loma and could never hear or respond. These one-sided angry dialogues served no real purpose other than to reveal I had plenty of buried anger to deal with. I have done that, but still so much wish he was not beyond the reach of my words so I could tell him how I feel. He left behind quite a lot of pain in our family,
The last day I saw my father alive was in a hastily called "body counsel" in San Diego. At this "body counsel" I asked to speak to him privately in his office. He adamantly refused, became enraged, ran out the front door, got in his van and, still in a rage, drove out of control across the front lawn leaving deep furrows. He did not ever return that night and instead passed word through others he had disowned me completely. It was heartbreaking then, and even more so now. When I see others present him as a "man of God", and feel he had something more from God than all the rest, it is honestly painful. He was not in control of his emotions and this last incidence of rage was not an anomaly. I know the grace of God, and his mercy, will cover the mistakes he made but I cannot view him as someone more special than any other person. He was a man with faults like any other and the myths that have grown around his life are difficult to hear. I was there in his real life. I know the truth.
Many loved my father and, honestly, despite my anger with him at his actions toward our family, I loved him too in some ways. He was my father; he had a good side, and, with a few exceptions, would not regard him as plotting or evil.
While I loved my father, he never did truly love or respect his natural family. We were mostly a burden to him and interfered with his "mission" of building a church of his own design. He pulled us along, on his ever growing quest to build a church, mostly out of obligation, and not love of family. On San Juan Island, when that burden became too great, he left his family behind to pursue his "church building" but this time with even greater fervor.
My father left a legacy of a broken family and also left behind the legacy of a broken church. This church "The Assembly of the Body of Christ" (ABC) now follows in those footsteps he left behind and leaves in its wake broken hearts and broken people just like my father left behind a broken family.
I learned directly this concept of abandonment from the practices and example of my father Ramon A Haas. Gilbert Larson told me, more times than I might count, that God hates divorce. Yet my father not only divorced my mother, he also divorced his family and it is only because my mother was not a stronger person I actually ended up living with him. It was clear I was not entirely welcome in his home. The Bible states Jesus came to heal, lift burdens and set us free, yet when I removed the polarized lenses
that shielded my view of all that is unpleasant, it became glaringly
clear the concepts of Christ's ministry; healing, lifting burdens
setting at liberty, etc. are completely opposite those in evidence in the ABC.
That causes me great sadness.
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The book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. He opened the book, and found the place where itwas written , "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, Because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim release to the captives, Recovering of sight to the blind, To deliver those whoare crushed , And to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." Luke 4:17-19
In the next post I will share a tape sent to the elders at the beginning of the
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